lonely. unnecessary. alone. confused. why? am I? or not? I miss being known, and loved. I miss being understood and respected. I miss my friends. I miss belonging. I never knew how difficult it could be for others until I walked in their shoes. Is there more? Please Dear God, let there be more. This is my heart cry. Send me a friend. Please dear Jesus...I need a friend. Not from my family, or from some far off place. Not from the distant past, another time or place, But right here. right now...from your body, my "new" home. I can't stand to be so alone here in your church.

Clay

sometimes shattered chards-dry, hard, and unyeilding, sometimes crushed and ground, powdery-unfeeling, other times soft, moistened with feeling, moldable, bendable, useable. Never alone, but always in His hands...Clay.

To be used by Him I must first be broken. This vessel I possess can often be my prison. I want to be so much more than who I am. Yet I am his. Not only am I his but I am his creation. I am who He created me to be. Once created, then broken, crushed, moistened, pressed down, moulded, reshaped, fired, and recreated each day in His beautiful image. I am always...clay.

Praise the Lord!!!!

More to come later (video & details) but Luke Isaac Woollard was baptized into Christ today!!! Easter April 12, 2009. And his momma and poppa couldn't be happier.

Your love oh Lord, reaches to the heavens, your grace is like the ocean's tide, and your righteousness is like a mighty mountain, your faithfulness reaches to the sky. I will lift my voice and worship you my God. I will lift my voice and worship you my king. Bless me this day with your presence. aw

All things work together for good

The Lord has had me under heavy conviction as of late nudging me ever closer to Himself. Over the last several months I have been asking God to reignite His spirit within me, the flame that He warns us to not quench. I knew that somewhere deep within me I was holding back part of myself from Him and not trusting Him completely. Sometimes questioning if the fire within me had all but gone out, haunted by scriptures like; the ones comparing cold Christians to salt that had lost it's saltiness being useless and thrown out to be trampled by men, or the scripture that speaks of those in the end times who will have a form of religion but deny His power, that faith without works is dead, that pure religion is to care for widows and orphans in need, and the list goes on.

Part of me thought that He would answer quickly, but He has not. Part of which is probably due to my inconsistency in spending time with Him. I want to be closer, but the things of this world, it's distractions, busyness, and my physical exhaustion pull and tear me from His ams. BALANCE is so difficult when we don't allow God to hold the scales.

Most times in relationships love comes softly, through time and experiences shared. I am working on it. Everyday coming a little closer to the fire, allowing myself to trust in it's warmth and light, and less fearful of being burned. God has been revealing more of Himself to me, slowly coaxing me to trust Him. Not Pushing. Just Loving. Today I went for a walk with God and during our visit I noticed the birds singing, the beautiful sky, and ask Him to change me into who He wants me to be. That is when the words, "Psalm 32:9"quietly passed through my thoughts. At first I dismissed it, and continued talking To him (and not listening to him). Then again, "Psalm 32:9". This time I heard. I understood. My pace quickening I made my trek home. I couldn't wait to read what it said... "Do not be like the mule or the horse, which have no understanding but must be controlled by bit and bridle or they will not come to you." Wow.

So, wanting to understand the context I read Psalm 32:8-11

"I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you. Do not be like the horse or the mule, which have no understanding but must be controlled by bit and bridle or they will not come to you. Many are the woes of the wicked, but the Lord's unfailing love surrounds the man who trusts in him. Rejoice in the Lord and be glad, you righteous; sing, all you who are upright in heart!" ok.

I'M SINGING LORD! I AM SINGING.

Diet Coke and Chocolate

I am confessing my sins this morning. I have major issues. This morning I got the kids off to school and then went back to bed. (strike 1) Then when I did get up I sat on my bum and watched an hour of TV. (strike 2) Then I rallied myself and went up to the $ store and got some diet coke and chocolate so I could face the day. (strike 3) WOW. I haven't exercised or eaten right in a long time. I am outta control. I even told the cashier as I was sucking down my diet coke (because I couldn't wait till I got into the parking lot to open it), "Yea, my diet coke and chocolate are like some people's beer and cigarette's." To which we both laughed. The cashier responded,"Well, we all have something."
It's true. We all do, don't we. For some it is coffee, or alcohol, cocaine, food, whatever. Why is it so difficult? Why do our physical selves war against our souls? How do people overcome such addictions? Are these addictions that seem harmless (coffee, diet coke, chocolate, food) really harmless. I am afraid we are all hopelessly flawed. And the only hope we have is the blood of Christ. I just pray that his grace is sufficient for me. I know that I am in no way good enough but praise God His sacrifice is!!!!!!!

I wanna live...

not just exist. Have you ever gone through seasons that feel like you were merely existing and not embracing life. Boy I have. It seems to me that when I am especially stressed or there has been some big change in my life that I have a tendency to shut down and turn into this robot like droid without joy or zest. I go from enjoying every moment to just getting through another day. How sickenly (is that a word?)sad. I realize that the only way to truly live is in Christ JESUS ALONE. All joy, peace, and hope are found in his rest. Even in the busiest of seasons if we go to Him to receive our "daily bread" then He gives us strength for today and great hope for tomorrow. Because He is faithful. I love Him. I love how He paints beautiful sunrises that cause my joy to overflow into moments of unspeakable praise. I love how He holds me in His righteous right hand and protects me from harm. I love His discipline, His patience, His grace. May we HOLD TIGHT TO OUR MERCIFUL SAVIOR DAILY AS IF OUR VERY LIVES DEPEND ON IT...because guess what they do. and hold onto Him tight....it's gonna be a wild ride:)