On the surface...Things feel so out of control right now. Building up. too much of everything pressing in on me. Too much laundry, too much messiness, too much to do on our house, too many unexpected bills, and add in our laptop being stolen and it would be so easy to just shut down. I feel so COMPLETELY OVERWHELMED! But deep inside below the storms that are raging from every direction, there is peace. I am tempted to allow the winds and waves to RIP me to shreds, but praise Jesus...the anchor holds.
I pray that whoever stole our laptop returns it. But even more I pray that they will find the Sidewalk Prophets CD in the pocket that I just purchased at winterjam 2 days ago. That they will listen to it and feel God's love and turn from their sin. My favorite song from that CD says..." I am the thorn on your brow, but you love me anyway, I am Judas's kiss. But you love me anyway, I am the nail in your wrist, but you love me anyway..." And this song has played relentlessly through my head since last night.
I had been praying lately that God would show me exactly how he feels about me. I believe this song is part of his message to me. And today I felt God's love through my husband's loving response to my tears. There was no anger, no condemnation, just love. And after being up all night he went with me to add info to the police report and close all accounts and change info at the bank. And in spite of the mess that my carelessness made. He loves me anyway. in spite of my messiness. in spite of my forgetfulness. And today when he looked at me with love in his eyes I swear I felt Jesus in his eyes searching me and loving and accepting me in my brokenness saying, " See Alyssa. I LOVE YOU ANYWAY. You do not have to be perfect for me. I love you. not for who you are or what you have done but simply because you are."
And that is enough. Praying we will all begin to realize how precious we are to our creator. every moment of every day. Until next time....ABIDE.
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And now...I am crying. I know that out of control feeling - and as you described it, the quiet anchor of peace within.
My heart breaks for you that someone took from you, and that you are feeling guilty over your carelessness. Careless (or perhaps just naive and trusting...who wants to believe they NEED to lock their doors to keep out thieves) or not, its so frustrating. But as you said, perhaps God in his oh so wonderful ways will use this to bring about more good than we can even imagine. But even before we know the outcome, I praise God that you are 'bless(ing) those who curse you," by praying for their good in your loss. I could sing and cry at the same time. Only Jesus can do that in a heart.
And your description of Brian's reaction. Well it inspired me to the core. I don't know if its the ultra creative in both you and Aron, but it seems 'careless' happens to him a lot. And the uber attentive, detailed, planning me can just be EXASPERATED at him at times. For example, this year, in the emotion of the moment, my tender hearted husband decided to drive to a symbolic statue in downtown detroit to pray for the city. At 1 am. Without waking me (out of courtesty, but still?!) to let me know where to find him if he was mugged. Then, bless his heart, he was deep in prayer and got pulled over and handed a very pricey ticket for speeding in a construction zone. (To his defense, he WAS actually going the speed limit, but since it was dark, and he wasn't paying attention, he didn't see the construction zone reduced speed signs).
Well...all that to say. My initial reaction to the big ole fat double'd ticket was less than gracious. I think anger would be a better word. How could I be angry at his good intentions? Something in me that needs pruning to be sure. But your description of the impact of Brian's love, compassion, mercy, and good attitude toward you in the face of a stressful situation so spoke to me. Our words and our attitudes have the power of life and death in them. And Brian chose to speak life into you. I want mercy to be my first reaction. Praying Jesus will do the work in me...goodness knows I've failed at it enough times.
So thankful Jesus brought healing through your husband. His ways are too beautiful for words.
Love you both dearly. I hope Brian rests up to at least enjoy a few moments of his birthday tomorrow. Praying blessings over your family as you abide in the Prince of Peace.
Erica's words are so true. "Our words and our attitudes have the power of life and death in them. And Brian chose to speak life into you. I want mercy to be my first reaction." And i might add ESPECIALLY TO OUR SPOUSES!
And I am so glad that you felt the love of our heavenly father through your husband. So many times I am, like Erica, choose anger instead of mercy (and grace).
Love you, lady! And I pray that God will continue to bless your response to this storm.
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