Lead Me

lately the Lord has been impressing upon me that He has a purpose for my life.  And I know that sounds a little obvious.   You may be tempted to say, duh Alyssa.  He has a purpose for all of us.  But do we pursue His purpose, or our own.  God knows the desires of our heart.  Sometimes we have to surrender them, other times He shows us that He gave us that desire for a purpose.  Other times we think we got it all figured out and then realize we were only seeing part of the picture.  That last one would be me.  I am totally relating to Abraham & Moses these days.  Several years ago I felt that God gave me the calling to teach, and so like Abraham I got busy trying to make it happen.  And I hit a road block EVERY TIME.  Brian lost his job and I had to go to work for a few years.  And God opened the door for me to work at the school.  Loved it!!!  And felt even more strongly that I was born to teach.  So I try to go back to school again.  NOPE!  SURPRISE!!!!  Now you get to home school for two years instead of finishing your degree.  Then I start to feel that we need more income and I must do something, and am convinced by the economy and others that maybe nursing would be the way to go.  Only to go on a short term mission trip that again reminds me that I KNOW what I was born to do.  TEACH!!!! 

So again, like ABRAHAM, I think that if God has given me this promise and desire, and I am supposed to teach then I better get my hiney back in school. only to have the most trying year of my life come and throw me back into doubt and fear and wonderment about what in the world this calling was all about.  But it was not time yet.  God had to do some major reconstructive surgery to my heart first.  And over the last year I believe that God has been pruning away the branches that did not bear fruit and teaching me about what it looks like to follow Him with an undivided heart.  PAINFUL, BUT OH SO NECESSARY!

Then came the rest of the Story.  Guess what, I was born to teach.  But NOT in the way that I thought.  Not in a classroom full of wide eyed school age kids, but to a different audience than I ever imagined.  So like Abraham I laugh and say really God?  And like Moses I say, but I am a NOBODY.  I have committed great sin against you, and I am not eloquent in speech like others. Plus in case you hadn't noticed God, I get really nervous when I have to speak from my heart about things that really matter to me.  You can't possibly mean me.  And then He answers..."Who gave man his mouth?  Who makes him deaf or mute?  Who gives him sight or makes him blind?  Is it not I, the Lord?  Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say." 

So I am beginning to take steps toward what He has impressed upon my heart, but it seems to BIG.  That there is NO WAY I could possibly do it alone.  And again he reminds me, I am not supposed to.  He will accomplish his will through me,  all I am supposed to do is be obedient.  ONE STEP AT A TIME.  Please keep me in your prayers as I desperately seek what He has for me.  God has also led me to a book that focuses on The prayer of Jabez in 1 Chronicles 4:10.  And after reading this tiny little book I am convinced that this is the prayer I should adopt everyday as I try to minister to the needs of others and teach some of what I have come to learn to others in his name. 
The Jabez Prayer
And Jabez called on the God of Israel saying, "Oh that You would bless me indeed, and enlarge me territory (of influence), that Your hand would be with me, and that You  would keep me from evil, that I may not cause pain!"  So God granted him what he requested.

I am humbled and blessed that so many of you have been following my blog.  It is not easy for me to pour my heart out in such an open forum but it is part of what I feel God is asking of me and so I am trying to follow.  I thank you sincerely from the bottom of my heart for the feedback.  It is such an encouragement to me to know that I am being used.  Prayers and Blessings to you.  Alyssa